Today’s blog post is all about acupuncture jokes and quotes. We start off with a bunch of acupuncture jokes, most of which came from Upjoke.com. Then I’ve listed several quotes by celebrities that reference their appreciation of acupuncture. These are from a site called Brainyquote.com. If you have any good jokes or quotes about acupuncture, please let us know so we can add them to our list!
Ya know, I tried acupuncture last weekend.
I didn’t really get the point.
Why can’t you trust acupuncture specialists?
They’ll always stab you in the back.
Even if you don’t notice any improvement from acupuncture,
you can’t say it’s pointless.
After getting acupuncture, my chronic muscle pain is completely gone.
The pin really is mightier than the sore.
How to deal with stress:
A guy walks into a bar and orders a shot of vodka. “I’ve been so stressed lately,” he complains to the bartender. “So I recently started doing that Chinese thing with the needles.” “Acupuncture?” the bartender asks. “No,” the guy replies. “Heroin.”
I’m on pins and needles, waiting for the results of my acupuncture exam.
More Acupuncture Jokes
Things always have a way of going badly for me.
I tried to use pins on a voodoo doll that looked like my mother-in-law, and I ended up curing her arthritis with acupuncture.
I went to the acupuncturist the other day.
When I got home, my voodoo doll was dead.
Did you hear about the unemployed acupuncturist who assaulted a woman?
He stabbed her 167 times, but she felt fantastic the next day.
Just once, I would like to go to an acupuncturist, lay down on his couch, and when he says, “how can I help you?”
I’ll say, “Well, I keep getting pins and needles in my leg.”
Why did the pastor encourage his entire congregation to go to an acupuncturist?
So that they would become more holy.
Ok, acupuncture skeptics. You can say it’s fake. And you can say it’s just a placebo. Heck, you can even say it’s a scam. BUT…
You can’t say it’s pointless.
Acupuncture is a jab well done.
That’s the point of it!
Do you know what they call alternative medicine validated through research, experimentation, and double-blind clinical trials?
Acupuncture Quotes from Celebrities
The next section of today’s acupuncture jokes and quotes blog includes short excerpts from famous people who like acupuncture.
Nutrition is important, training is important – but so are rest and recovery, massages, and acupuncture. Your body is your temple, and you’ve got to take care of it.
-Antonio Brown, American football wide receiver
I used homeopathy, acupuncture, yoga, and meditation in conjunction with my chemotherapy to help me get stronger again after cancer. In addition, I chanted with Buddhist friends and prayed with Christian friends. So I covered all my bases.
-Olivia Newton-John, Australian singer, songwriter, actress, entrepreneur, and activist
I’m afraid of needles, except acupuncture needles.
-Catherine O’Hara, Canadian actress, comedian, and writer
China’s history is marked by thousands of years of world-changing innovations: from the compass and gunpowder to acupuncture and the printing press. So no one should be surprised that China has re-emerged as an economic superpower.
-Gary Locke, American politician, and diplomat
I’m cancer-free, taking antioxidants, acupuncture, and a different diet. I also have a new outlook on life with no resentment. It’s wonderful.
-Louis Gossett, Jr., American actor
More Acupuncture Quotes
I’ve done acupuncture, and I believe in it. So that’s the first place I go if I’m having any particular pain anywhere.
-Renee Elise Goldsberry, American actress and singer
I’m a fan of homeopathy, acupuncture, and spiritual healing. In Australia, this is not weird, but when I arrived in the U.K., everyone thought I was a freak.
-Natalie Imbruglia, Australian singer, and actress
I get many ideas when I’m resting – either when I’m meditating or getting some work done on my back, like physical therapy or acupuncture. That’s where I get my best ideas, maybe because I’m balancing my body.
-Katy Perry, American singer, songwriter, actress, and television personality
The World Health Organization has recognized acupuncture as effective in treating mild to moderate depression.
-Andrew Weil, American celebrity doctor
We all need to slow down and go to acupuncture.
-Tamara Ecclestone, English model, socialite, television personality
Acupuncture was a saving grace. It helps more than anything else I tried. Everyone with endometriosis should give acupuncture a shot at least once.
-Molly Qerim, American television personality and a host of ESPN’s First Take
I think acupuncture, reflexology, Reiki, and Shiatsu massage are remarkable, and I have used them for years to help with injuries and as a preventative measure.
-Luke Goss, English actor and drummer of the 1980s band Bros
Acupuncture has made all the difference to my sleep.
-Toyah Willcox, English musician, actress, and TV presenter
A Few More Quotes
I get acupuncture because it really helps. It is the opposite of Botox. Botox blocks while acupuncture moves.
-Monica Bellucci, Italian actress, and model
For many people, managing pain involves using prescription medicine combined with complementary techniques like physical therapy, acupuncture, yoga, and massage. I appreciate this because I truly believe medical care should address the person as a whole – their mind, body, and spirit.
-Naomi Judd, American singer-songwriter and actress
Thank God for acupuncture. It’s been around for 2000 years and is not going anyplace. And people use it all of the time for various cures and to avoid illnesses.
-Tim Daly, American actor, and producer
I don’t think you should rely on medicine. Instead, try herbal doctors, acupuncture, and doctors outside the medical world, with different kinds and forms of treatment.
-Engelbert Humperdinck, British pop singer
I have regularly received acupuncture, and I engage in visualization, imagining myself kicking out the cancer and making up scenarios.
-Valerie Harper, American actress (played Rhoda on The Mary Tyler Moore Show)
If you’re curious about acupuncture and want to see if it can improve your health, come in and try it.
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